That line of thinking makes no sense to her. "Everyone makes mistakes, and sometimes they are really bad, but then we learn from them and don't make them again." You learn today to fight tomorrow, not to run tomorrow. That's the professional thing to do. Assuming that it wasn't dumb enough to get your teammates to want you gone, but then you will have trouble finding a job elsewhere, too, and a whole load of other issues... News travel fast. Sometimes people just die, and sometimes you wonder if it is your fault. She has those thoughts sometimes, too. But a part of getting into a fighting situations is that you always risk your life, and sometimes the risk will become a certainty.

She's been over this with at least one of the others from the team each time they lost someone. Because it's hard to not blame yourself, and she did, but she's never had real issues addressing it with them and she always had someone around to talk her through it. "If they didn't kick you out themselves, they probably were worse off for you having left. You probably had some routines and knew each others styles, probably complimented each other well enough, or you wouldn't have stuck together before. And then you left and regrouping always means that you're more vulnerable. And finding replacements that fit can be hard."

Does Eärendil fit? She still isn't sure, even though he's been with them for a good long while. He compliments them well, at least, and that is the only thing that really counts in a decker.